A Car Without Breaks

Happy Valentine’s Day to all you consenting adults out there. I’m sorry to hear that even though you got the cutest bouquet of flowers to post on Facebook today, you still found yourself reading my blog on this holiday. I hope I fill the void that disgusting chocolate bricks can’t. I made my list, the bucket list of things to do before I find employment, and I did start checking things off the list. It has been a great, but really busy week.

First check-off: I went skiing. Holy shit. Skiing. Thank god for the pizza plow. A lot of very small children are a lot better at skiing than I am. I hate it when little kids are good at things and I don’t mean good…considering they’re kids. I mean really good at doing something.

When I was teaching Spanish to 4th graders, there were two little girls in the class that came from an immersion program. They were really cute, had long hair and huge eyeballs. One of the Hillary Clinton-esque mothers of the girls introduced herself to me before I started teaching “Skyler is very talented you won’t need to worry about her.” I smiled, but hopefully didn’t hide my irritation with her arrogance. Sure enough, these little sluts were really good at Spanish. They knew it too and they had some attitude. They refused to pay attention in class and drew fucking unicorns all day long instead of participating. For Saint Patrick’s day I looked up some vocabulary for the holiday and one word was “rainbow”. I didn’t know the word for rainbow, as it isn’t featured in the unicorn stories I write. I only wrote down the first half of the word “arco” in my notes and that’s what I ended up writing on the board. One of the little princesses came up to me and said, and trust me, she was adorable “Um…Mrs. Hogue (little idiot missed an opportunity to point out that I’m not married) I think it’s ‘arco iris’.” She was totally and completely right and I was absolutely wrong. So I coolly responded in my most teacherly voice “both are correct, take a seat.” Eat it.

As you can imagine, it was pretty brutal seeing kids school me on the slopes. I just have to remind myself that I don’t bake cakes with light bulbs or wipe my dirty hands on my socks anymore to still feel okay about the situation. Skiing was freaking amazing, although incredibly humbling. It was a blast.

Also checked off the list taking Aunt Jean to the movies. Aunt Jean is “special needs”, but you wouldn’t guess that based on her cussing vocabulary “I fuckin’ ass spilled the popcorn.” We saw Life of Pi, but she really doesn’t care what movie we see. At all.

I also added two big goals to the list: India and Nepal. I’m going in March and yes, it was a somewhat last-minute decision.This has raised a lot of questions, so let me answer them one by one and hopefully avoid repetition.

Why India?

This is a strange question. Beyond the fact that this isn’t a normal way to inquire about a plan (You would never ask “Why Red Lobster?” because you know when somebody says they are going to Red Lobster it’s because they have given up on leading a happy life and want bottomless coconut shrimp. A better question might be “have you talked to your doctor about Zoloft?”) Why not India? Spicy food, rickshaws, dance breaks…Awesome. A few months (correction: weeks-thanks Jonathan) ago a friend called and said “Go to India. Ride an elephant. My sister rode an elephant and talked about it for like four months.For some reason, she loved riding an elephant.” Little did Jonathan know, he planted a seed (India, not the elephants).

Who are you going with?

Alone and to answer your next question; I am aware that I’m a female, thank you.

Are you rich all of the sudden? How the hell is this possible?

Nope. Still poor. Just came up with the money for a plane ticket.

I don’t have many other answers. When I was a child I read a book about slavery right around Valentine’s Day. When I got a box of valentines for my classmates, I refused to give out the ones that said “be mine” because I didn’t think that people should own other people. For some reason my mom was okay with buying another box of valentines instead of telling me I was being absurd. So it should actually come as no surprise that on this Valentine’s Day I’m following my own hippy precedent and announcing plans to hang out with some Monks in Kathmandu. The trip is set for March and you can bet that I’ll blog the whole way through.

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One response to “A Car Without Breaks

  1. Ride an elephant for me please. You have two whole months and it will probably only take about an hour or so to ride an elephant. They’re really big creatures, and I think it would be awsome.
    I told one of my co-workers that you were going to India and she responded “How wonderful that your daughter has the confidence to do things!” I have to agree. My fear comes from the fact that I’ve never gone that far by myself. When I was younger, my mother and grandmother were afraid when I was going to spend the weekend in the mountains by myself. I can’t wait to see what the next generation (if there ever is one) will do. You have my total blessings, sweetie. I hope the monks are all that they’re cracked up to be. ;o)

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