“Effective Immediately” Never Sounded So Sweet

In the world of WIC, the words “Effective Immediately” mean shit went down. As a clinic full of women, estrogen and posters of breastfeeding babies; shit going down is followed by crying, avoiding eye contact and team building. When I gave my notice to leave, I wish it could have started “Effective immediately” and I could let them do a trust fall as a group after I left. Instead, I’m left watching the clock and calendar tell me that my life is just a little bit closer to starting the new chapter. Tomorrow (Friday) marks 2 weeks until I’m done.

Someday, my darling reader, I hope to blog to you about adventure, spice and love-or-whatever; but that day is not today. I’m having flashbacks of elementary school when I was waiting for Summer break; telling myself that I would do so many awesome things with my time off and wiggling in my chair just thinking about it, while it seems to be ever out of reach. It’s like I’m standing in line with anticipation for a ride at an amusement park…alone (although I do try to recruit “You ran out staples? You should probably quit with me.”) The worst part is, I don’t know what ride I’m standing in line for.

I’ve been asked:

“Ohhhhh… (high-pitched, we’re all women)

you’re leaving? ( Pitch crescendo. Again, some women get higher and higher pitched until they either pass out or stop having thoughts)

Where are you going?”

Crap.

I haven’t picked a response yet.

Anytime someone asks personal questions, my goal (as an overly sensitive ginger at heart) is to give them the answer that will end the conversation as quickly as possible. While I was in college the answer to “What’s your major?” was always “Communications”. Communications was perfect. People know what it is in theory, but not technically and there isn’t much to talk about by way of “my cousin in Boston communicates…” Currently, if someone asks what my job is I have the response whittled down to the simple “I work for a low-income nutrition program” and hope they don’t ask more from there. This new question, however, I haven’t found the best response to. Currently I say “I don’t know…” and make unwavering eye contact as they presumably piece together that I don’t have a job lined up and they might even guess that I’m doing this whole “quarter-life crises” thing. People don’t want to hear “nothing” and it makes for far more conversation than I might be looking for. Housewives on TV are really good at doing nothing, but making it sound like something. They may claim to be authors, interior decorators, crafters, bloggers…

After my first post, I was blown away by the support and surprised by the low number of people telling me I’m making the biggest mistake of my life. I can’t wait to hang out with you, sleep on your couch, and make awesome with the friends that I haven’t spent enough time with recently. It’s like Summer Break, but in the winter. And I’m alone. And I don’t eat hot pockets anymore. And I seriously am going to do everything awesome that I ever wanted. Ever. Starting in two weeks.

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